Have any of you experienced major changes with your body, like you just didn't fit anymore? As though you are someone totally new? Well if you do, then maybe ill feel better, cause right now, i feel that im the only one feeling this way. Everyone else seems to be the same, doing okay, and that just drives me crazy. Forgive me for being selfish, but i would feel better if i know someone out there is going through the same thing as i am now.

Changes. How many changes have you had in your life that you just couldn't get used to? Well, maybe this is just another change. I just can't feel that anyone like CARES for me anymore. Maybe im just being whiney, but i go to school and i cant feel a single real FRIEND that i can trust. Like either im pushing you away or you're pushing me away. I cant see the diff anymore. Im sorry..

Its kinda like when you are used to seeing either black or white, and suddenly the entire world become shades of grey and you find youself lost, unfamiliar with the alien hues. You cant differentiate from this and that. Everything is new and confusing. Its a little overwhelming. And you just get this sense of insercurity, like you got the feeling everyone is hiding a dagger behind their teeth, like every friend you've got is backstabbing you. You just feel alone, scared, and angry.

These days, the most common emotion i feel is anger. Like i feel like punching something, like the whole world is against me. Countless times i've heard, "do not let anger take over you". Until recently, i assumed that it would be simple, and that i would be able to do it. But sadly, when you are feeling that anger firsthand, its hard to deal with it. Taking a breathe and all that, doesn't work for me. Laugh if you want, but im 15, im a boy, and sometimes i just feel like hiding somewhere and crying. So to all my friends, or rather, to anyone who cares, im gonna stick mostly to myself from now on. This time for real.

Not cause i wanna find myself or anything. And it has nothing to do with you guys, its just cause i realized that "myself" is right there in front of my face (not literally speaking..) and that the problem is that i just cant accept it or get used to it. So the reason im sticking to myself is because- going back to the whole "anger" thing- im probably not gonna be much fun to be around. Like if you got the flu, you have to stay away from other people. Yeah something like that. Im just gonna shut out alot of things for awhile, and when im done, ill just try to search out the "friends" in my friends again("friends" being a quality that a friend would possess).

If i appear to be cold or callous towards anyone , please TRY to understand what im going through, and know that i do not mean to be so. If you wanna avoid me, go ahead. I won't blame you, seriously. I know that its not easy to be around me now. For the last (few) times: Im sorry, im sorry, im sorry.