Hey guys? "Teenage agnst" still not really working for me.. Still feel uncomfortable, still feel weird, still feel angry inside.. And yet, what you did today made me feel a whole lot better.. Thanks Josh.. >.- (Well its supposed to look like a wink but if it doesn't, forget it.. Haha..)

Every big problem has to be broken down into smaller problems, in order to solve. Like when i said that everything bad built up through this year made me like this? Well i tried to handle it as a whole, and realized that instead of solving it, i was running away from it. Until this friend of mine helped me break down this problem into indivisual parts, identify them, and gave me advice on how to solve them. And the amazing thing was that through it all, he never once judged me, never once got angry, never once TOLD me what to do. You say youre not a good councilor, but youre the best, my friend..

One of the hardest things i had to do ws something that i was never really good at: forgiving. In order to do that, i had to acknowledge the fact that BOTH parties were at fault (altough it was mainly me) and identify where had the friendship gone wrong. It was hard, and awkward, but i believe that like any other hard thing in life, we both came out stronger. As did our bond. So yeah, im sorry and lets be friends again?

Second probem, one that is slightly more complicated, in involves a bit more people: My floorball commitments. Well you see, we had our first team meeting in a long while. Organised by the "something committee" which was made up of Darrell,Joshua, Ryan, and Jarryl. (in no order of merit) For the first time in floorball history, Darrell and Joshua really took their leadership roles serously. I can see the focus in their eyes. They are determined to carry the team to the best we can be, and even further. The meeting was mainly about the introduction of the committee, and how they would now take charge of the training. Everyone in the team was inspired by this new plans, and all ready to start traning their heart out. Well everyone-and it kills me to say this- short of me.

I dont know why, but i just cant get used to the idea of a committee.. I know very and fully well that the idea of the committee was not to make us feel inferior, and i can accept and believe that. But somehow, i still do. I look around and think to myself. "Hey, whats this? I don't remember any of this. This cant be right. What happened to the times where we ALL sat on the floor and listened to mr han? Why has it turned to this?" I felt relly really weird, and decided to talk to Joshua. For the next hour or so, we just sat there talking, and i really talked my heart out. And what touched me the most was that for one of the first times in my life, the person i was talking to LISTENED, really really listened. He didn't interrupt, didn't judge, and didn't correct me. He listened to what i had to say and i poured out everything (or everything i could remember anyway) that got me down to him. When i was done, he explained that the team had changed.

Changed in a way that we now wanted MORE, aimed HIGHER than we previously did. The team REALLY REALLY wanted the top4, and in order to achieve this goal, they were willing to accept the changes, eat humble pie,and improve themselves. And Joshua asked me "Do you REALLY REALLY want the top4? Cause i do,and i know i want you to REALLY REALLY want it too." And i was stumped. I couldnt look at him. I didnt know MYSELF what i REALLY REALLY wanted in life. I felt like i was letting my team down, letting my friend down..

When i got home i spoke to Lander. And he made everything seem so less compicated, and he gave me an advice i've decided to take: Doesn't matter if i want it or not, but starting from now, im gonna TRY. And im gonna try my very best to want it, to find the passion in this sport. I may not be able to do it, but still i know i owe this much to my friends and my team. I owe them this fight. And i sure as heck am gonna give them this fight.